Wait… I said wait.
At first I wrote the second wait with an exclamation point, but then I reconsidered, because when God spoke those words to my heart, He didn’t yell. He wasn’t excited, He was in the same manner He always is…Rock steady. Unwavering. Unlike me. Lately there’s a scripture rolling inside my head from James 1:8 ~ A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. It’s like a pinball machine pinging from one corner of my mind to another failing to settle into a slot. Reminding me of the indecisions of my life, the ones that I thought I’d settled and yet I have not. They cause fear and anxiety to creep into my thoughts and unrest in my soul. That unstableness leads to feelings of unworthiness and it’s a downhill slope from there. But because my God is ever faithful and knows my every need He provided a place for my soul to find rest in Psalm 27:1-3
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell. Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident.
I am confident I have no confidence.
It was a conversation I had with my teens on Sunday morning. They have no clue that I use them as mini psychiatrists; I pour my soul out to them in the guise of “opening myself up to them.” I’m kidding… kind of. It’s somewhat therapeutic to teach teens. They are nonjudgmental of my mayhem life. So when I tell them that my confidence level is nil when I take the platform to sing or speak, some are shocked, but most get it because they too struggle with confidence. Obviously I’m not alone in the adult category either. Even David, favored of God, and warrior extraordinaire had moments of doubt.
Doubt creeps into my life and then hovers over my shoulder like the evil it is. Sometimes the enemy is within and sometimes the enemy is without… It usually starts with someone or something, and then I take over adding fuel to the fire until it burns out of control. Possibly too metaphoric a statement but if you struggle with self-doubt you get it. It doesn’t take much to get you on a long journey down the road to the pity party waiting at the end and a box of Krispy Kreme Donuts, my reward of choice for having a bad day. Until God enters the scene and uses His man David to smack me back to reality.
But in “this” will I be confident. Then why do I not feel confident and strong? Because I have forgotten that within me is the strength of Jesus Christ.
Hebrews 10:35 – Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompense of reward.
I had thrown away (cast away) my confidence. God is not an Indian giver; He has a no return policy. If I lack confidence it is because I chose to throw it away not because God took it back. Again and again God has shown me favor in the gifts that He has given me, if I lack confidence it is because I am not trusting in His ability.
David said in verse 4- One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in his temple. For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock.
That one thing. The one thing worth desiring is to be in the presence of the Lord all the days of our lives. This morning it was not enough for me to hang out with God for a few minutes of pep talk. I wanted to really hang out and dwell with God in the Sanctuary of the Lord and hear what He desired my soul to hear. I am enquiring in His temple. Because He said when I’m in trouble He would hide me from the enemy, even if I’m the enemy.
While I’m here He has promised that He will
- Lift me up above my enemies so that I can sing. (vs. 6) That fear on the platform is not here.
- He will hear what I have to say and answer me with mercy. (vs. 7) His answers bring stability.
- I have an invitation for a face to face with God. (vs. 8) How can I not accept!
- When the world walks out, God has never left my side. (vss. 9-10)
- If I seek Him and listen to His teaching, the path will be plain. (vs. 11) I need plain…
- I have enemies who seek to destroy the works that God has put into play, I’m aware of them. So is God. They should worry. (vss. 12-13)
- I believe there is goodness waiting. (vs. 13)
- So I am waiting. (vs. 14)
14 Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.
Twice He says wait. “But I’ve waited so long,” I complain. And then I can almost hear Him sigh… “You’ve made Me wait. You have done everything humanly possible to ignore me.” Strong’s concordance says that this “wait” is defined as “to bind together perhaps by twisting, collect gather together, look patiently tarry and wait.”
That definition made me think about the bow that is tied about the gift. The gift is bound and sits waiting until the Receiver opens it. I’ve made God wait. Now it’s my turn. So the gifts that God has given me will sit wrapped up until He’s ready to open them and present them for use. For a “doer” that’s hard…
To be continued while I wait…