In the darkness of my room this morning, as the sun contemplating coming out from beneath the covers, I opened my Bible app on my phone and began to read in Psalm 139. Darkness messes with my mind… I start pondering things I shouldn’t ponder, my imagination takes me down dimly lit pathways where the future is uncertain. Silence is not always golden… praise God for technology that allows me to read in the dark!
He knows me
1O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.
Not the “me” that my family and friends know, God knows me. The part that He created, and the parts that I messed up. God know that me, and yet He loves me. Yet, He desires to commune with me and I trail off down dark path…
2 Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.
3 Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.
As I lie in bed this morning and read those words I smiled. How awesome God, that in this dark hour, You know my ways. You know the concerns of my heart and the troubles that beset me and You understand! You walked this earth and defeated the foes that I fight, so why am I fighting them? Because it’s a dark time we live in, and I, more often than not, am content to lie in the darkness rather than turn on the light of the glorious gospel that expels the shadows. Silly me.
4 For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether.
5 Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.
Nobody knows me like God, and in spite of it He laid His hand upon me and anointed me with purpose and so I understand the Psalmist when he says “Such knowledge is too wonderful.” I know that I do not deserve the blessings that God has poured upon and through me and allowed me to work in the ministry of the Lord, the very thing that I desired in my heart but feared because it was a path I could not see down. Oh, great God… “I” cannot attain to it; but through Christ Who strengthens me, I can do all things! So it says in Philippians 4:13.
He Is With Me
7 Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?
8 If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
10 Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.
12 Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.
Loneliness, like the darkness, can have me feeling lost. I’m my own best friend and worst enemy all packed into one. But God knows that. There are times when the Holy Spirit of God is pushed and pushed and pushed into the recesses of my mind so that I can spend more time with me; the good, the bad, and the ugly me. But He patiently waits for me to tire of my company. It’s usually about the time that I fall to Satan’s lies that “nobody really cares about your problems, Shari, they’ve got plenty of their own,” when I feel God nudge me and say… “I’ve never left you. I’ve always cared.”
He Leads Me
I don’t know how I got into Psalm 139 this morning. I hadn’t been reading there… but it was a path that God laid out, just as He has my life.
13 For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
Oh wait… I do remember how I got to Psalm 139! I was scoping out a bible journaler on Instagram and a verse from 139 was there. Her thoughts were not mine. God had an entirely different plan for her, another path. But it was wonderfully made like mine.
He Writes of Me
15 My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.
17 How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.
I love to write. And what sweet words those were to my heart to see that God is a Journaler too! I have to wonder if on the pages of His book, in living color, is not an image of me. The word says that “all my members were written.” That sounds like pictures to me! That may or may not be stretchin’ it, but this is my blog and my thoughts… and that’s the way it went.
Search Me, O God
19 Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.
20 For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain.
21 Do not I hate them, O Lord, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee?
22 I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
24 And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
On this Election Day 2016, there has been much blaspheming of the Lord’s name. It angers me and causes me to want to travel down a dark path with a ball bat… just sayin’. I’m not violent. I hate that too, but when I think about the destruction on this world by words, my flesh rises and I want retribution for my Lord. But it’s not my fight. He won that won too. So for today, at least for this minute… I ask the Lord to search me. Those are the thoughts that I have control over.
Heaven help our nation… please.
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