I’ve pondered the heart a lot lately; both physically and spiritually. Because of my physical limitations I have been forced to sit still, which is not fun for me. I’m worse than any child when it comes to being told “no.” Yesterday may have been the worst day yet. I made the bed, cleaned the kitchen, ran the sweeper (it’s not heavy don’t stress) and I cleaned the toilet. I learned a new song, and played it somewhat less than a hundred times. I sat on the porch swing, sat on the playground swing, fed the chickens… you know. Busy work. But in between those times I sat and pondered my heart. The broken one and the repaired one and wondered if God had broken the physical one so that He could remake the spiritual one?
You, nor does anyone else, truly know my heart. It has some great character traits. And it has some really lousy ones that I wouldn’t share with anyone in the world. But God knows.
2 Chronicles 6:30
Then hear thou from heaven thy dwelling place, and forgive, and render unto every man according unto all his ways, whose heart thou knowest; (for thou only knowest the hearts of the children of men:)
There’s a bluegrass song that I love to sing called “Who do you think you’re foolin’,” by Wayne Taylor. It’s a funny song about a car dealer, a church lady and a preacher. But there’s nothing funny about a wicked heart in the eyes of God. So when I truthfully examine my heart I understand God’s makeover. I needed a time out to ponder my life and priorities.
This is somewhat of a random blog I guess, but my mind is everywhere this morning. There’s a lady I’ve been witnessing to in the Long Term Care Unit who has COPD. My Dad died of Emphysema, so I know the look and the fear of not being able to catch your breath. I’ve even experienced it a time or two during this heart procedure. Before my heart attack I would visit her and say, “Nobody is promised tomorrow, I might walk out of this building and die today,” and then I’d plead with her to get saved. Her response was always “not today.” She’s on my list of visits when I’m released to carry guitars and such. I can honestly tell her, I almost did die. But more than that I can tell her about the sweetest peace I’ve ever felt in my life in the face of death. I want her to see the good side of my heart, the side that God gave me through His Spirit that dwells within. If not for this event in my life, I’d not have known that experience.
If not for this event I’d not have examined my heart and seen that there was a wickedness within me that was ugly and rooted in bitterness. My heart has no room for that if I allow the Spirit to take over those dark halls. I realized that I don’t love people enough and there were some people that I wouldn’t allow myself to love at all. People who hurt me, or hurt someone I love. But that is not the heart of God else He couldn’t stand me! How many times have I hurt Him? Can you ask yourself that question honestly and then look at someone else and not forgive? Not if God does a work in your heart.
I still bear the scar down the front of my body from the surgery. It’s a reminder that God repaired what the world broke and I need to take care of it. I also need to take care of the body. The body of Christ. I’m praying that this mended heart is stronger and braver than the one before. I pray that today your heart is tender to the word of God that encourages healing and that you’ll allow God to make you strong and brave too. Preferably without a heart attack and open heart. 🙂