It’s a time of confession. If you notice an absence of me from social media, blogging or life in general, it can often be attributed to a stronghold in my life. Such has been the case for the past few weeks. Anytime I am about to embark on a speaking or singing engagement I can expect an attack from somewhere. Sometimes I’m better equipped to handle it, and sometimes I’m ill equipped to handle it. When I had my recent surgery, I was just flat out ill. But once the recuperating time was over (or at least what time I had allotted myself) I thought I’d be out of the woods and away from the attack of my emotional and psychological condition. Yes, I am that foolish mortal. I was relatively sure that I had survived the worst part of it, the actual surgery. And physically that was the worst, but not psychologically. There was still plenty of time for Satan to get inside my head.
I felt alone, although I was daily surrounded by people who loved me. I felt as though my ministry time was coming to an end. Although my heart had been fixed it was still broken spiritually. I told no one of this state of mind because I am after all “the Jesus Chick.” I bear His name because He bore mine on the cross. I can’t allow anyone to see me as a failure. Though I surely am on so many levels, beginning with that manner of thinking. But it’s who I’ve always been and the theory of life I adhere to. The “I’m Fine Theory.” Unlike my biblical hero King David who wore and bore his heart on his sleeve so that all who read his God inspired words would know we are not alone.
Psalm 142
Confession is good for the Soul
1 I cried unto the Lord with my voice; with my voice unto the Lord did I make my supplication,
David wasn’t holding anything back. At the time he wrote Psalm 142 he had been forced by Saul into hiding in a cave with people he had no faith in at all. If you read 1 Samuel 22 you’ll discover he was surrounded by family who had never had any faith in him and some very needy men he described as in destress, debt and discontent. David had to wonder if they weren’t there just for what they could get from him as a known leader and successful warrior.
I hesitate to confess the thoughts that have run through my mind over the past two months. But they were akin to many of David’s. And not for the same reasons. I’ve always had a great support system in my life, but I’ve also had some very needy people in my life, for which I honestly didn’t mind helping but they were not of the lot that would have been there if I needed them. So following the heart attack I had to re-examine some things in my life. And it began by considering what was holding me back from my service to God.
Complaining is okay with the Savior
2 I poured out my complaint before him; I shewed before him my trouble. 3 When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then thou knewest my path. In the way wherein I walked have they privily laid a snare for me. 4 I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul.
I always feel guilty when I complain, whether it’s to God or my sounding board Gloria, who is my number one fan and closest friend. But Gloria encourages me to share with her the problems of life because I know that that conversation will not go any further. But even still it takes me a long time to get to that point and it’s usually when I’m on the verge of blowing up also known as “overwhelmed.” God doesn’t want us to get to the point of being overwhelmed. He already knows we have a complaint. Perhaps if we’d take it to Him sooner, it could get resolved sooner. He is after al the best friend of all.
Who hasn’t felt that way on more than one occasion and as times gets worse, those occasions are more frequent. When you feel that no one could possibly understand what you’re going through or why you feel consumed by it and tied down to the point of being unable to move to the left or right! That has been the condition of my heart for weeks.
But David knew, even in the midst of that struggle that God knew his path. What comfort in those words that God knows the path I’ve taken and the path I’m headed to, and He has me covered in both directions.
Confidence is found in Salvation
5 I cried unto thee, O Lord: I said, Thou art my refuge and my portion in the land of the living. 6 Attend unto my cry; for I am brought very low: deliver me from my persecutors; for they are stronger than I. 7 Bring my soul out of prison, that I may praise thy name: the righteous shall compass me about; for thou shalt deal bountifully with me.
It has not only been emotional challenges but physical and ministry work related as well that has taken a toll on me. I did cry to the Lord and each time He brought me through with a victorious end. God has dealt bountifully with me as He did David.
When David was crying in that cave, he had no idea that that rag tag bunch of men, who he no doubt feared were there for what they could get, not give; those same men would support him in battle all the way to the throne! Glory to God!!! And those same struggles I have faced have caused me to count the blessings of those around me who support me and encourage me to be “The Jesus Chick.” That confidence can only be found as a child of God. The world will let you down, but God and His people, are there for the long haul…
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