Tent meeting night number two, and the faucets inside my eyes refused to shut off. I truthfully didn’t try. Tears like that had been a long time coming and I knew I needed it. Pastor Alfred Hickman had started the water works on Monday when he preached the message “It’s your Move.” I cried through the music of Brother David Harney (which was amazing) and right through the message which spoke directly to my soul, knowing that I had to get myself out of this place of frustration I was in. Why am I frustrated? Because the world was taking it’s toll on my ministries and I felt powerless against it. I’ve been smiling and saying “I’m fine” for months when that was far from the truth. I fully believe that this is why we have revival. Because it’s easy to say I’m fine, until God cracks you open like an egg and all your insides gush out.
The word of God is indeed sharper than a two edged sword…
Hebrews 4:12 KJVS
[12] For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.
I’ve watched that verse play out the past two days.
Cut to the Quick
Have you ever done that when manicuring your nails. 😣 Owch! It’s even worse when you play guitar and you do it on your chording hand. While we think the word quick as generally speaking of something fast, in this context it’s speaking of “to make alive!” The word of God stirs your soul and brings to the surface things that are deeply rooted. It is painful, because that’s what the world does, it bury’s itself in you and wraps itself around every facet of your life. For me the world had rooted itself into my children, grandchildren, husband, Mother, family, the teen ministry and many of the people of God that I know. I felt as if I was making little to no impact anywhere. These people are my heart. I love them more than anyone of them know and seeing the world taking a hold of them definitely cuts to the quick.
Quick to Decide
Part of my issue, (believe me when I say I have many issues) but part of my issue is defined in the very first verse I claimed as a life verse.
2 Corinthians 2:1-2 KJVS
[1] But I determined this with myself, that I would not come again to you in heaviness. [2] For if I make you sorry, who is he then that maketh me glad, but the same which is made sorry by me?
I’ve always been determined to leave people better than I found them. I thought it better not to let them know I had struggles. But what ended up happening is I’ve adopted their struggles as my own. And they are many. So many in fact that I’ve collapsed under the weight. I’m sure you’re not shocked. But I was! I thought that I could handle anything.Yes, I know. Foolish mortal. God never asked me to take on the world. But I felt that it was my job as His child. I needed to fix what was broken but I was powerless against any of it. Just like the egg, only the Creator can repair that kind of damage. When Pastor Alfred preached, “It’s your move” Monday night, I thought maybe my move is to get out of God’s way and step out of the ministry for a while. I’ve only felt this way one other time since I’ve been saved. And it was a battle. A battle to where I literally held onto my seat in the church because Satan had told me to start moving toward the door. For all you backseat Baptists, maybe this is for you. Don’t get too close the door. When I say I hung onto my seat, I mean that literally. I have sat front row, isle seat for 25 years. If anyone wants that seat, that’s fine, I’ll find another front row seat or possibly 2nd row; but I’m not moving far, because Satan wants me out of the church. And before you say that that’s an arrogant statement, if he doesn’t want you out of the church, you’re not doing enough. Yeah… this is revival week.
I was a little too quick to decide it was time to get out of the ministry.
Decide to Follow
Night two, and Preacher Brian Evans stirred my heart like a scrambled egg. I wept the entire service. His message title was “Just Keep Grinding.” Preached from Luke 1 and the story of Elisabeth and Zachariah and their unfruitful times that became fruitful. His points were this:
- Unfruitful and broken
- Faultless but trusting God (not perfect, but doing their best)
- Faithful to God
- Fulfilling God’s work
He might as well have titled it the life of Shari. Before you think that I’ve completely lost it to think a man preached a sermon just for me. He didn’t, there were others touched just as deeply by his message. But it’s whats amazing about the Word of God; one message can touch every life in the building in a different way. But for a couple of us, we were both leaning the same direction, out the ministry door. But his message to just keep grinding, even on the rough days when you think there’s no hope, just stand your ground on the spot God gave you to stand on. For Zacharias it was the temple of God. Even when God did not provide them a child, year after year, decade after decade, and yet it says
Luke 1:[8] And it came to pass, that while he executed the priest’s office before God in the order of his course, [9] According to the custom of the priest’s office, his lot was to burn incense when he went into the temple of the Lord.
And so he did, year after year, decade after decade… He followed God’s design, regardless of how he felt. Even if he may have wanted to throw his hands up in the air and walk away, he did not. He stayed the course. Oh Lord Jesus! How sorry I was for not wanting to stay the course. How dare I say that I am suffering when I look at the examples set before me in the word of God. Every disciple persecuted, everyone (save John) killed for the cause of Christ. Zachariah and Elisabeth’s long awaited son was beheaded and yet these people stayed the course.
Am I struggling? You betcha! Am I gonna quit? No. God has plan and I’ll continue to follow. If you’re on the edge of a decision like mine, stay the course dear friend, stay the course!