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You Brought it On Yourself

That’s the words that have played out in my mind a thousand times. So much so that it had taken it’s toll on me spiritually. The words had been spoken to me about an issue of the past, but it might as well have been today, because the sting of those words were like that of a bee who’s stinger was made of steel and never dulled. Nor did it grow weary of the reminder to me, you failed again Shari. When I think back to that day, the flesh was ready to rise. But I squelched it back down as I most often do, saying to myself, you deserve this. “You brought it upon yourself.” I really didn’t need the reminder from the person who said it. I’ve always kept good tabs on times I’ve let myself and others down. So today, after much anguish, I decided to study this one out, for everyone who hears the words “You brought it on yourself,” and struggles with selfdoubt, guilt and shame.

If you ask most people their advice on how to handle such things, those who are not necessarily that spiritual, if at all, they’ll tell you that you also bring the self-doubt, guilt and shame on yourself. They believe we have the power to change the narratives in our lives that do not serve us well. Really? Do we? Do “I” have the power within myself to defeat the demons that continuosly plague my mind with whispers from the outside.

As a child of God, no demonic spirit can dwell within me. I cannot be possessed because the Spirit of Almighty God that resides inside me would not allow it. But that doesn’t stop demonic forces on the outside. Or even my own fleshly thoughts that may be more at fault than anything! So what’s a girl to do? Today I find myself in the Garden of Guilt. Have you ever been there? Where every bad decision you’ve ever made is a weed choking out any hope of the flowers of success. And if they’re not bad enough, Satan will also use people to shine the spotlight on your faults.

Does this sound like I’m in a pit of dispair? I’m really not. And before any of the many friends I have come by my house tonight with boxing gloves ready to take on my enemies, you’d have to start with me. Sometimes I’m the worst enemy I have. What happens to be the worst culprit at putting me in this frame of mind is the fact I’m not feeling well. That seems to bring on times like this. So, it’s time to fight back with the only weapon I have that can defeat this mindset and this enemy. The Word of God.

My mind was drawn to the man with unclean spirts that Christ ran across in the country of the Gadarenes among the tombs. So many spirits within this one man that they were called “Legion.” I have to wonder if the man were not ADD. I happen to be and there are times that my mind feels as though there is a Legion outside of it. Sometimes that Legion is also known as children and grandchildren, Andy Griffith or John Wayne, the events of David (my husband)’s day, and the dinging of messages and emails and phone calls all vying for a piece of my mind’s attention. It’s then I retreat to the bedroom, away from the legion. My distractions are that of people that I love, but not so for the man in the tombs. He had people who loved him, Christ tells him later to go tell his “family” what happened. But the legion of spirits within him had driven him away from those he loved.

Regardless of where the noise is coming from there comes a time we have to recognize that we need Jesus to reign in our thoughts and take control. The voices inside Legions mind were telling him to hurt himself. They gave him great strength so that he could break the bonds that people put on him to try and control him. Night and day he suffered at the will of the demons.

Demonic forces are a very real occurance that most Christians choose not to think on. And I can understand that. It’s scary, boogie man thoughts that cause nightmares. But there’s an awareness that needs to be there. If my mind is traveling to dark places, it’s not going there by God’s leading. The words “You brought this on yourself.” are not of God. And if not of God, then who? And why is that phrase stuck on repeat in my mind.

Because words are binding much like those chains that Legion wore, and every bit as hard to break in the flesh. Whom ever it was that coined the phrase, “sticks and stone will break your bones but words will never hurt you,” were clueless. Words do hurt and they bind the mind with chains of the past. Chains that prevent success on any playing field.

The man in the tombs in Mark 5 is said to have run to Jesus worshipping Him when he saw Him afar off. The spirits inside of him knew God. They knew that the power of God could and would remove them from the life of the man. Christ did just that and sent the spirits into 2000 pigs that ran violently down a steep hill and into the sea to drown! Two Thousand! We sometimes treat the stories in the bible as if they’re “just a story.” No, they’re true events. Christ spoke and the legion was gone. Glory to God does that not give us HOPE!

Christ did not say to the man in the tombs, “you brought this on yourself.” His words were Go home to thy friends, and tell them how great things the Lord hath done for thee, and hath had compassion on thee.”

Move forward, don’t forget the past but rather learn from it and never let it control you. That was my message today from the Lord.

The world wasn’t happy with what Jesus had done. It scared them that One would have such power. We should be in awe that within us there is One that has such power! I’m not sure how the man came to be possessed by the legion of spirits. Perhaps he was dabbling in the spirit world that he should not have been. But Christ did not tell him to relive his failure, He told him to tell the world where his success came from. Glory to God is that not a good word!!! I am in awe of God this morning who has encouraged my soul and I feel as though I just came out of the tombs. I hope you have been blessed by this word.

Mark 5:1-20

And they came over unto the other side of the sea, into the country of the Gadarenes. And when he was come out of the ship, immediately there met him out of the tombs a man with an unclean spirit, Who had his dwelling among the tombs; and no man could bind him, no, not with chains: Because that he had been often bound with fetters and chains, and the chains had been plucked asunder by him, and the fetters broken in pieces: neither could any man tame him. And always, night and day, he was in the mountains, and in the tombs, crying, and cutting himself with stones. But when he saw Jesus afar off, he ran and worshipped him, And cried with a loud voice, and said, What have I to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of the most high God? I adjure thee by God, that thou torment me not. For he said unto him, Come out of the man, thou unclean spirit. And he asked him, What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many. And he besought him much that he would not send them away out of the country. Now there was there nigh unto the mountains a great herd of swine feeding. And all the devils besought him, saying, Send us into the swine, that we may enter into them. And forthwith Jesus gave them leave. And the unclean spirits went out, and entered into the swine: and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the sea, (they were about two thousand;) and were choked in the sea. And they that fed the swine fled, and told it in the city, and in the country. And they went out to see what it was that was done. And they come to Jesus, and see him that was possessed with the devil, and had the legion, sitting, and clothed, and in his right mind: and they were afraid. And they that saw it told them how it befell to him that was possessed with the devil, and also concerning the swine. And they began to pray him to depart out of their coasts. And when he was come into the ship, he that had been possessed with the devil prayed him that he might be with him. Howbeit Jesus suffered him not, but saith unto him, Go home to thy friends, and tell them how great things the Lord hath done for thee, and hath had compassion on thee. And he departed, and began to publish in Decapolis how great things Jesus had done for him: and all men did marvel.

Posted in Bible Journaling, Faith, Fear, Life Inspiration

When the Monster Returns

Anxiety. Not for the good Christian girl and boy, right? Umm, wrong. Multiple people have recently come to me requesting prayer for their anxious spirit. And I’m ever so glad to lift them to the Lord, believing that He will remove their fears and anxiousness and restore to them the peace that comes from knowing Christ. And then, moments later, I’m in the same predicament. What is it about anxiety that can get such a hold on the believer?

I know my Lord is greater, but for the life of me I cannot convince that monster that is lurking behind me. He just won’t believe it. I read the word of God and the anxiety flees, only to return after I allow the cares of the world to creep back in.

Most days for me it’s manageable. I reiterate the fact again that I am not a super saint, but God has given me this ability to shut things out; almost like slamming the door in Satan’s face. It’s my coping mechanism and it serves me well, until it doesn’t. It can also allow me to shut out things that I should be managing.  That’s when the stress can get out of control and that monster lurking behind me almost feels like a physical presence on my shoulder.

When I had the heart attacks, it was the heaviest it had been in a long time. So now, I try to keep a handle on things. But like most everyone, I don’t always win my monster mayhem.

My imaginary conversations. Oh my stars, I am so glad you people are not inside my head. I have more conversations that never take place in reality than anyone should. I tell people off, I rescue the distraught, I line people up and line them out. It’s awesome! And then I come back to reality. Bury the thoughts, shut out the world and crawl into my pity pit that allows the anxiety to take hold over the peace my Lord wants for my life.

The street scene in Mark 5 wrangles my angst this morning.

22 And, behold, there cometh one of the rulers of the synagogue, Jairus by name; and when he saw him, he fell at his feet, 23 And besought him greatly, saying, My little daughter lieth at the point of death: I pray thee, come and lay thy hands on her, that she may be healed; and she shall live. 24 And Jesus went with him; and much people followed him, and thronged him. 25 And a certain woman, which had an issue of blood twelve years, 26 And had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse, 27 When she had heard of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched his garment. 28 For she said, If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole. 29 And straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that plague. 30 And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, Who touched my clothes? 31 And his disciples said unto him, Thou seest the multitude thronging thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me? 32 And he looked round about to see her that had done this thing. 33 But the woman fearing and trembling, knowing what was done in her, came and fell down before him, and told him all the truth. 34 And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague. 35 While he yet spake, there came from the ruler of the synagogue’s house certain which said, Thy daughter is dead: why troublest thou the Master any further? 36 As soon as Jesus heard the word that was spoken, he saith unto the ruler of the synagogue, Be not afraid, only believe.

Two characters who triumph over anxiety are Jarius and the woman with the issue of blood. Both had life altering issues. Jarius was at the point of losing his young daughter (12 years old). The woman with the issue of blood (for 12 years) is losing hope. I don’t think these two 12 year old stories are in the same part of scripture by happenstance. Jarius wants to keep alive his issue, the woman, wants her issue to go away. We all have issues. Some physical, some emotional, but all can be spirit breaking.

So what can we learn from the word and the characters of study this morning that will help us with our own issues? I think that there was a commonality to both of their victories.

W.E.P.T.

I can almost guarantee there was a lot of weeping prior to their coming to Christ. What parent cannot identify with tears both of joy and heartache when raising children? But the thought of losing one is beyond comprehension or acceptance. And the woman with the issue of blood had had the issue twelve years; preventing her from spending time with the people she loved, draining her physically and emotionally. But using the acronym of W.E.P.T  both

They Worshipped – Both fell down at His feet

Entreated – Both reached out to Him for a solution.

Prayed – Both prayed for God’s mercy

Trusted – Both trusted His answer.

And both received Victory. Jairus’ daughter lived, and the woman was healed. And the anxiety was stopped. Oh what power I the word of God! These were not my issues, my issues are far less. So how can I not trust Him?

Will the monster return… probably. But so will victory.

Posted in Bible Journaling, Forgiveness, Life Inspiration, salvation

Do you remember the day you knew?

knowingI wrote yesterday on being under attack and it was a well-read blog. I guess there are many people feeling that way! Because of that, it’s very easy to get into a Debbie Downer attitude which puts you on easier ground for Satan to attack and it’s why you need to know that you know. As I read of the woman with the issue of blood this morning who reached out to touch the hem of the Master’s garment, it brought to mind the early days of my salvation when that touch was so fresh…

The scripture read in Mark 5:33 “But the woman fearing and trembling, knowing what was done in her, came and fell down before him, and told all the truth.”

The words that drew my mind into a place I loved being was “knowing what was done in her.” It’s knowing that I know that gives me a leg up on Satan. It’s having that place that I can return to in time when I knew something had happened with in me.

When I first attended Victory Baptist Church, February 18th, 1996 I went with a chip on my shoulder and ready to shrug off another church attendance, but something happened. I wasn’t saved that day, but I knew something had been stirred in my soul that caused my mind to shift to a new place and I would never be the same. Several weeks of going to the altar and begging God to do something, I finally realized He already had. He had changed me and introduced me to the Holy Spirit. I feared God, but not in a way that I feared judgement, I respected Him and longed to be the friend that I knew He’d been to me with His ultimate mercy. I told Him the truth; that I was a blood stained sinner just like the woman, and He healed that issue of blood by covering my wound with His own blood.

Do you know that you know? Then you should celebrate that truth today! The reason being, that in an attack that knowledge is a shield Satan cannot penetrate. Jesus told the woman upon her confession “Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole, go in peace, and be whole of thy plague.” That place of peace that I long for was restored in those words when I recalled the day I found the power of faith. Jesus saved me, I couldn’t do anything but reach out to Him. But my faith is what puts into action an army of abilities to make life better.

So what about you? Can you recall that day when you reached out to touch the Lord, and He acknowledge your touch with one of His own? Glory!!!!! That’s a good word for me today.

Posted in Life Inspiration

She’s got issues

woman issue of blood

I’ve said it about “her” and I’ve been her. Issues! If we confess our hearts we’ll have to admit we’ve all still got a few, albeit my issues go far deeper than that of a physical sense. But women are the worst about pointing out another woman’s issues. There I said it. Yes it’s a gender biased statement, and although men have their own issues, women are far worse at pointing out someone else’s and then bringing it to the table to make a dessert of that conversation. There was a woman in the bible who had an issue of blood for twelve years, she no doubt had gotten weaker and weaker until at this point she was either going to face death, or she was going to get healed, but she’d had enough of the world’s theories.

Mark 5

25 And a certain woman, which had an issue of blood twelve years,

26 And had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse,

27 When she had heard of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched his garment.

28 For she said, If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole.

It doesn’t say anything about four men carrying her bed and dropping it down through a roof top to Jesus to be healed. It says that she alone came up behind Jesus and touched the hem of His garment for she knew if she could just do that she’d be okay. I have to wonder, where were her girlfriends? Why had they not accompanied her to the Master, why did she have to go alone? Why that thought’s on my heart this morning I don’t know, but I know one thing for sure I’ve seen enough girlfriends in my life with issues who didn’t have the support they needed to make it to the Master.

This lady’s determination for healing had driven her to her knees at the heels of Jesus. Not fallen at His feet before Him but trying to sneak upon the Lord! She didn’t want to bother Him, she just wanted to touch the hem of His garment. She’d paid all her finances to the physicians in town who had done her absolutely no good, and without financial support they’d not bother treating her again. She was as low as she could get and Jesus was her last option.

29 And straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that plague.

30 And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, Who touched my clothes?

31 And his disciples said unto him, Thou seest the multitude thronging thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me?

She was unseen by anyone in the crowd. Even the disciples, Jesus’ closest friends hadn’t noticed the woman at His heels. I’m sure she likely preferred it that way, she just wanted to be well, and nobody else had been able to help her, and if the issue itself hadn’t done her in, the shame from the issue was going to.

32 And he looked round about to see her that had done this thing.

33 But the woman fearing and trembling, knowing what was done in her, came and fell down before him, and told him all the truth.

34 And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague.

Her physical issue was healed from behind Jesus, but not until she was face to face with Jesus was she ready to face the world. She didn’t jump up and praise the Lord when she felt the issue dry up, she just wanted to slink back into the crowd. She was grateful, but that issue had gotten her enough attention from the world, she’d been that woman with the issue long enough.

My issue this morning is not with the woman, it’s with the missing friends. Perhaps they were the ones with the greater issue. The ones too busy to help, not wanting to be shamed by her issue. I’ve been the one at the heels of Jesus, I’ve been the absentee friend and the one who spoke of her issues in a gossiping manner. We all need Jesus. Press on girlfriends. Look for that friend who needs carried, don’t let the guys show us up.